I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
