are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
