dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
