so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
