if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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