Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
