I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
