I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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