see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
