He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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