she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
