last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this hospital has no fireball
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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