took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
