Pappa wants mamma naked
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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