Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Welp...herpes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
