I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
