Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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