i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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