I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
