I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
