she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize