If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
