I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
