Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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