New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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