Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
