I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
