Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
