I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
