She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
