I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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