Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
