Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
