Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've blown a few things in my day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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