It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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