I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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