i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
