I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize