I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
