I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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