What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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