Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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