Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
