Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
