he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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