I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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