Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is Oprah even human
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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