soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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