hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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