i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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