need another drink. this is the easiest way
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
