Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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