Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
