Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
