Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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