Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
