Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
