so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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