then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
